Finding Your Jacket

Art by Nidhi Chanani 

I woke up at about 5 AM this morning. Stumbled out of bed. I was pensive. Walked to the kitchen for my "comfort"; single decaf almond milk latte with 1 teaspoon of agave compliments of Breakfast At Tiffanys. Business as usual and just as I was heading out of my apartment something made me think of one of my favorite jackets. I remember vaguely thinking that I hadn't seen it for quite some time. As I went downstairs to hop on my Vespa (Jacquelyn is her name),  I could feel anxiety creeping up my arms and into my back. Anger, confusion and panic swept over me. I am typically a pretty evenly keeled person. It takes quite a bit to get a negative rise out of me. Somehow by the time I got to work I was crying. Again, completely out of character for me. 

I had to hop on my bike again for a private session a few hours later and I found myself analyzing what happened to me. Why did I get so upset? Why did I feel like I had done something wrong and I was being punished? Why was it such a big deal, its just a material thing (although it couldn't be replaced)... Seriously it was just a freaking jacket!! 

I had to check in with myself. Go internal. My conclusion was abysmal. This instance called some things to my attention. Just how much I care about my belongings. How I always lock my stuff up or hide it under something when I'm in a public place or even in someone's house. How I have been known to even hide things in my own place. I never really viewed myself as a materialistic person. I, of course, love nice things and am blessed to have many. So what was this? What happened today? I immersed myself deeper into my spirit and these questions came to the surface. "What has been taken away from you? Why are you so afraid?" 

At this point my mind still wanted to protect me from any emotional breakdown so it went into a place of blaming. I remembered that I had been moved around a lot as a kid and most of time I would have to leave things that I loved behind. A remember this beautiful purple jacket that my God Mother made for me and wish I still had it.  I would quickly become attached to things or a place or a room in a place and then it was taken away. My mind flipped through these memories and then... there it was.  I could see her clearly. My beloved mother. I lost her at a very young age and still to this day I feel like something very precious was taken away from me. I, at times, go back and judge the young me for how I treated my mother. I was a typical rebellious little brat and every once in a while I forget about the work I've done to heal and I go back to thinking I never got the chance to undo my "wrongs." And most of all... I never got the chance to say, "Goodbye and I love you." And so there it is. This is why I am so adamant about telling my close friends and family I love them every single time I leave them. This is why I am so protective over my things and people I care about. This is why I just wanted my jacket. 

 Life is filled with so many treasures. I consider this discovery to be a treasure...a gift... wonderful growth. 

In The End I Found My Jacket. I Found My Peace. 

I share this to say a few things. 

1. Love and Appreciate Life and  Loved Ones

2. Go back to your childhood memories that we all tuck away and
    many answers will come to light.

3. Always. Always. Always check in with yourself.

You're not alone in this,

Little Birdie

If You Build It They Will Come

I should have named my blog TABLE TALK... Hahahaha. I guess I just love my table. :)

I enjoy spending time alone. I find myself reading, listening to music, eating chocolate, drinking lovely wine, gardening, singing, dancing, running, and writing during my "me time." Sometimes I forget just how much I love having my friends over. I remember having a vision of a long white table with  mix matched chairs and pillows. Clearly hearing the voices of my friend's laughter. I dreamt hard and long about my beautiful house and how I would have dinner and gardening parties, teatime, wine tastings and cook alongs.

I probably spent my first 8 years in the city of Los Angeles telling myself that I would wait until I had my house before I bought the furniture I really liked or had friends and family visit. I didn't garden or paint my walls in my apartments because I was always on my way out in my mind. I looked at them as a "temporary situation." Well temporary becomes a long time in life sometimes doesn't it? After living in Los Angeles for 11 years now I've discovered (always known) that it is NOT  at all IMPOSSIBLE, but a huge commitment to save and purchase a house. However, in the last couple of years I've evolved. I've become a strong believer in this: "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change." I also believe one of the most important ways to live is in GRATITUDE. My strong feeling is that the only way I will ever have the things I dream of and arrive in the place I want to be in life is to truly love and appreciate where I am and what I have in the NOW.

In my current place I decided to treat it as my house. Within the first week I had the walls painted, installed new window treatment and I ordered a custom built table from Ink & Wood Inc. From then on as soon as I walked in the front door I was in my "House." The spirit in my home is that of peace, love and happiness. No matter what state I am in this place excepts me with open arms and no judgment . I am so thankful for it.

Sharing my house made my place feel like what home is supposed to feel like. These days my house is filled with laughter, little furry visitors (doggies), tears, yummy food, good music, amazing conversations, wine and chocolate. So I say IF YOU BUILD IT... build your home and friends will come, build your confidence and success will come, build your team and growth will come, build your patience and understanding and peace will come. KEEP BUILDING. I dare you.

Making Room

A house is not a home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body.
Benjamin Franklin

Yup... Another entry of me just chatting with you. Little Ms. Research everything is on a short break.

Sooooo.... Ummmmm. I've noticed that when my home is not in order I cannot focus very well. Although I go through my day interacting with my clients, taking care of business or simply hanging with friends there is always this little nagging feeling that I hadn't put my finger on. Ahhh Haaaaaaa. Disorganization leaves me feeling unsettled. If you are anything like me, your home is very important to you. I strive to make my place a haven of safety, comfort and inspiration. 

Today I walked into my place and there were things on my favorite table other than fresh flowers and my favorite cookbooks. I love cooking and when I went into my kitchen I wasn't inspired to be creative with breakfast because my dishes weren't put away and my sink had traces of yesterday's meals. My big comfy white couch wasn't inviting because in all of my frenzy I washed clothes after my bedtime and left clean laundry on it. I walked into my bathroom and didn't want to take an olive oil bath although I've run about 20 miles in the last week. Even my bedroom that I call the Canary Lounge (hahahahaha) was out of order. My instruments are there and I wasn't inspired to sing. So where did I end up? On my computer. I mean it's good because it led me to write you this letter, but I really want to cook or write music and I just can't right now. 

I think it is safe to say that life is better when things are in order. That doesn't mean perfection. It doesn't mean you shouldn't leave a trail of clothes heading to your bedroom just because you feel like it. It just means it is a nice feeling to walk into a clean home. If your space is clear it frees up room in your mind and spirit to attract prosperity, happiness, fulfillment, love and success. I am challenging myself to detox my life. Each day I will focus on clearing all of my spaces. I will tap into my home, my relationships, my body and my mind. May I share my journey with you? Will you share yours with me? 

Little Birdie.

Today I just want to talk. I have a tendancy to get myself wrapped up in researching and writing about my findings. Well... today I will just say what is on my mind. I am sitting in a coffee shop thinking about how I always want to be at a coffee shop when I am trying to work from home.

After about 30 minutes of being in a coffee shop I am thinking about how amazing my home is for a workspace. I have the most beautiful long table that I had custom built so that I can could spread papers all over it for all of the projects that I manifested. I think about how I can control the temperature because most coffee shops I go to are about 10 degrees cooler than I'd like them to be. I think about how I feel the need to get dressed to make myself feel like a cool kid like all the other folks with thier apple computers and kindles. Hmmmmmm if I were in my place I could be in my underwear and knit slipper boots. I end up missing how I can switch back and forth from my couch to my table and back again. I miss my fresh flowers.

Just think at home I can eat without ordering and drink as many cups of coffee as I want. I can make my latte with almond milk, raw cacoa and whatever else my little heart desires. I can even make it in my favorite mug. My place has my music, my scents, my colors....my everything. So funny how we often want to be somewhere other than where we are. How we think the grass is greener. I guess I am just saying I am thankful for my home. I am so thankful. And... there it is. No corrections. No research. Just me.

 Little Birdie.