My mentor tells me over and over again that failure is an option... fear is not. I've heard him but am I really listening? Am I really processing his words? I have learned that I cower if there is a possibility of failing, of not doing the right things and being judged.
Osho said in the beginning there is not much difference between the coward and the courageous person. The only difference is, the coward listens to his fears and follows them, and the courageous person puts them aside and goes ahead. The courageous person goes into the unknown in spite of all the fears.
My spirits response to the fear of failure is to shut down. I go to the extreme of doing only things that I feel most comfortable doing. I give all of my attention and energy to the things that I know what the outcome is. I quiet all of my passions. I convince myself that the reason I'm not doing what I love is because I don't know what those things are. I flood my mind with all of my interests barely leaving room for me to breath and see through the confusion I've created.
Seth Godin talks about this in The Dip. In his opinion one the biggest mistakes that schools have made is telling us that being well rounded is the secret to success. To me there is nothing more intriguing than someone who is well versed and knows a lot about many different things. Somewhere along the line I lost the logic to compartmentalize all of my knowledge, interests, and passions. The line between hobbies, dreams and desires in life became a blur. Another great point he brings up is "in school, we tell kids that once something gets too hard, move on and focus on the next thing. The low-hanging fruit is there to be taken; no sense wasting time climbing the tree." I'm not sure if I learned this from my teachers, but I certainly have lived my life that way. I turn my attention on something that I think I want to do in life and as soon as the vulnerable feeling of possible judgment or failure creeps in I tell myself its too tough and I go to the next thing. If I start feeling like I am climbing up a mud-slugged vertical hill not knowing if what I want would even be at the top when I finally got there I give up. 20/20 begins. What if I don't make it? What if after all of my hard work everything stays the same? What if I can't handle all of the things that comes with it? What if I fail?! I then convince myself that I just don't have the courage to do it.
As you can see I have been in my mind for many years. I have processed my cycles over and over again. I can see them for what they are. How many times have you heard that the first step in self development and improvement is admitting or acknowledging the situation at hand (for lack of saying acknowledging the problem)? I will let you in on a little secret. I acknowledged the patterns I've painted in my mind a long time ago. I have verbalized my realizations, journaled about how I could make changes, set out goals to attack each passion that I've ignored and some how acknowledging never led to action.
Having the courage to make it through the dip was a mystery for me. I have since started to believe in my power within. The Dip is the space between starting and mastery. It's not having attachment to the outcome. Not worrying about what will happen in the future but appreciating the now. It's only quitting if you've discovered it isn't the right thing. It's not playing it safe or doing ordinary work. It's placing no judgment on yourself and ignoring other's judgments. Believe in yourself. You have all that it takes. Be outstanding. Be courageous.
Little Birdie
